“The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.” – Aristotle

‎”I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.”
Frank Costello, as played by Jack Nicholson in The Departed (2006)

‎”Parva leves capiunt animos” (Small things fascinate little minds) –
Ovidius, Ars amatoria

‎”Freedom is not just a dream. It’s there on the other side of those fences we build all by ourselves.” Dr. Ethan Powell, played by Anthony Hopkins in Instinct (1999)

‎”Little souls wish you to be unhappy. It aggravates them to have you joyous, efficient and free. They like to feel that fate is disciplining you. It gives their egos wings if yours are clipped. You can ruin your life in an hour by listening to their puerile opinions.”—David Seabury

“Hope is the raw material of losers.” – Fernando Flores

“I am glad you make a fresh beginning daily; there is no better means of attaining… than by continually beginning again.” – St. Francis de Sales

‎”We possess such immense resources of power that pessimism is a laughable absurdity.” – Colin Wilson, in “Poetry and Mysticism”

‎”The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge while an ordinary man takes everything either as a blessing or a curse.” – Carlos Castaneda

‎”The successful warrior is the average person with laser-like focus.” – Bruce Lee

‎”Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don’t let yourself believe it will happen to you.” — Muhammad Ali

Our diamond is covered by layers of doubts too, by fears, jealousy, false beliefs, inhibitions, holders, and when we look at it, we don’t like it and we are ashamed to show it. Even worse, we hide it under a conventional mask that has nothing to do with what we really are, and obviously that has not the slightest splendor, but that seems to us more acceptable and attractive. We even come to identify with this mask.

The discovery of the inner diamond is an alchemical process that never ends, a bumpy path toward the most profound part of the self, a path that can be difficult and painful, particularly if – in addition to all that has been imposed to us by parents, society, priests, teachers, media – we must also break down the protective walls builded by ourselves. It’s a path that requires determination and courage, but it deserves to be walked on. Actually, it is the only path that worths the effort. After all, if you don’t find yourself, then what else is there to be found? How much would it matter to you to see how persuasive the lie you`re hiding under is, if you can’t see a glimpse of light beneath?

I’d very much like to tell you how I found my inner diamond, and to offer a miraculous recipe that will lead to enlightenment and freedom. Unfortunately, I struggle every day with annoying tasks, problems, hypocrisy, lies, despair, nervousness, self deception, like any other person on this planet. And very often I don’t have the slightest idea of how this alleged diamond might look, provided that it exists, let alone to show it in public.

Nevertheless, in the midst of this mud I sometimes see a spark and, however tiny and short, I realize that it is a spark of infinity, which indicates a direction and tells me that the path should be walked on.

Follow that sparks!

A warm hug

Bruno

Males and females: love or mutual manipulation?

“All human unhappiness comes from not accepting the reality as it is” – Buddha
“And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free” -
Gospel of John, 8.32
“The truth will set you free, but first will set you angry” -
Bruno MedicinaThe relationship between couples is a virtually inexhaustible topic of debate, and in fact there is no transmission, magazine, interview, or just a simple conversation in which someone does not feel the need to tell his opinion about this or that aspect of male-female relationship . However, beyond the banal, the commonplace, the complaints and stereotypes, it is difficult to reach some kind of agreement, essentially, for two reasons:

-it’s rather difficult for us to accept some aspects of reality that we perceive as “negative”, that’s why there is much talk about how things “should” be and little about how they actually are.
-as each of us is directly implicated, it is virtually impossible to remain detached and objective, and we constantly find ourselves embroiled in an infinite web of denials, projections, rationalizations.

The result is – as it happens every time we deny the reality – that we can not create in our minds a good forecasting model; and as reality is very stubborn in its manifestations, we continue to fight with aspects of it that there seems mysterious and incomprehensible to us.
However, if we find the courage to change the paradigm and to reason with detachment, taking into account both the verifiable facts that we have available and the latest findings of evolutionary psychology, a series of seemingly “inexplicable” events can become not only clear, but also necessary and inevitable.

So, let’s begin with setting some points firm and indisputable that may perhaps seem annoying but – once accepted – may represent an important step in the understanding of self and others:

-any living thing in the universe has as its primary purpose surviving. And since death is inevitable, in consequence one aims to reproduce oneself and thus allow the survival of its genes.

-our bodies and our brains are the result of millions of years of evolution, during which they kept all the winning features, namely those that have allowed us to survive and reproduce. Civilization has taught us that violence, greed, selfishness, sexual desire, the need for power, dominance and so on are characteristic “negative”, but without them we would not be here.

-our bodies and our brains have remained virtually unchanged over the last 100,000 years, therefore has no sense to consider ourselves different from our ancestors: they used the club and we use the Kalashnikov, but the principles of behaviour remain the same.

(Note: whenever you try to talk about evolution, there is the risk to provoke a violent reaction from believers of different religions. This is not the place to talk about the subject, although I think evolution and religion are perfectly compatible. Eventually, to continue the conversation, the believers can imagine that we were created to live in the jungle, and that the God has programmed us with a lot of characteristics best suited to that type of environment, characteristics that we still have today.)

Consequently, although we like to believe that we are civilized men, very different from cave dwellers, the reality is that we carry with us all our genetic inheritance, ready to explode at the first opportunity. Just see what happens during war, fire, earthquake, or any other type of event that would jeopardize our physical survival: we have the same reactions of an animal attacked by a predator.
That having been said, it is clear that contemporary men and women have the same basic purpose, namely to survive and pass on their genes to the next generations, and they clearly need each other. However, the manner in which they pursue this goal is completely different, because of some fundamental biological differences, and this is precisely the main theme of this article.

-a male can produce a virtually unlimited number of children, while a female has an obvious physical limit. Not only that, a male (if he is in good shape…:-) can be ready for another female after a quarter of an hour, while the female – once fertilized – remains “locked” for one year and, from a genetic point of view, has no any benefit from further sexual partners.
The mere acceptance of this obvious truth shows us two completely different reproductive strategies: while the male has a genetic self-interest to maintain sexual contact with as many females as possible – without posing any major problems on their quality – the female has the interest in to be as selective as possible – and therefore hesitant …- to make the best possible choice.

What actually means” the best possible choice “: unlike young animals, human babies have a very long period of dependency from the mother, during which the female can not get away from them. This means that it is the male duty to leave the refuge in order to hunt / gather and bring the food home, and, if the female is unable to bind him to herself, she and her children will quite simply die of hunger. Consequently, the choice of a partner not only has to do with the level of physical attraction, but also and especially on the ability to procure food and to remain faithful.

- as it’s the female interest to make the best choice possible, inevitably she must maintain the right to refuse at any time the intercourse, in the case that it appears a better partner. This implies that the main characteristic of the female communication is ambiguity. A female will continue to transmit signals of availability, receiving in exchange a series of advantages in terms of attention and material benefit, while retaining the option of refusal at any moment, claiming to have been misunderstood.
It follows that the male is forced to lie to achieve his goal, because a direct request would force the female to a clear answer, which would make difficult any reconsideration (if you do not believe, imagine the possibilities of success of a stranger who tries to seduce a female with a phrase like “Hey, you’re a beautiful chick, why don’t you come to my place to get laid?” utmost sincerity, zero results …)
From here one can discover all the rituals of courtship, rituals which we encounter daily and that can often confuse us in the most absolute way.
Needless to add that – once it is established that the female is attracted by good genes, material availability and reliability, the male will do everything possible to simulate these characteristics …

-there is a clear difference from physical point of view: usually the male is stronger and faster. Therefore, to maintain balance, the female has developed an arsenal of psychological tools to get what he wants from the male. In fact, throughout human history the male was always “the boss” but, as self-respecting female knows, strictly ruled by a partner which directs his behaviour through petitions, victimise, allusions, tears, feelings of guilt and so on.

-Because one male can fertilize many females while the female remains unusable once fertilized, this unleashes as result competition among males (in fact, consider another obvious truth: monogamy is not derived from respect for females, but by an agreement between males to reduce the level of conflict in the group)
In this sense, the male put any effort to elevate its status among other males, to have the priority to choose the female.
Obviously, since this male was already selected by the struggle between males, the female has every incentive to “be chosen”, because she is guaranteed to get the best genes.
Thus, we can explain why the female – while accusing the men of being obsessed with sex – she’s the one devoting more attention to the hair, the makeup, the look in general: it is its obvious interest to be chosen from the best males. In this sense, while the personal preference may be wrong, the result of a struggle for selection can not be discussed.

-the female can fool the male with regard to paternity, and can put an unaware male in a position to maintain and nurture a child that’s not his (this is the reason why in the course of history, female infidelity has been severely punished, while males one tolerated, even by the females)
Incidentally, it is also the reason behind the “engagement”, a period during which you take away the chosen female from other males attention, without entertaining sexual relations with her: certainly not for respect for the female, but to be sure that the child is actually theirs.

-in this regard, the female has a particular problem: as she has every interest in having access to the best genes possible, it is also clear that the male beautiful, strong and vigorous will be tempted to mate with a large number of females, and be therefore rather unreliable; on the other hand, the male “faithful” have usually a genetic potential “so-so”.
Consequently, the situation of maximum benefit for the female is to be fertilized by a strong and handsome but untrustworthy guy, and then to put an ugly but faithful guy to nurture her and the child.
You can see if this is what happens …

It is clear that in a short article as this I can’t go too deep into the argument, and it is a pity because the issues that deserve attention are much more than these. However, even accepting and considering the little I have said, a series of behaviours that we consider negative or incomprehensible become immediately very clear and obvious.

Of course, it is possible that you don’t agree with some of my statements.
But before you show your disagreement, please note that while some aspects of today’s society apparently are no longer valid (I know that there are contraceptives and social assistance, that in many cases the wife earns more than husband and all other arguments that I usually hear as answer), this only shows how in recent decades we have distorted the social balance of nature.
This is not to say that this is a bad thing, I’m simply pointing to the fact that a number of situations that we now consider normal, are not normal at all, and they are not so much due to social development, but to technology. Just imagine if electricity disappeared, for example (and then no more washing machine, no more refrigerator, no more lifts ,..), and you see that the social structure would return to what it was for thousands of years (and what is still today – do not forget – for 80% of world population.)

One last consideration, not to be misunderstood: the things I said one can like them or not, but they are indisputable. Deny it for ideological reasons will only result of the clash constantly with a reality that will continue inexorably to recur.

I believe we can master and accept only what we know: what we don’t know or deny or will continue to influence and determine our behaviour.
And there is no greater obstacle to personal and spiritual development than to deny our genetic inheritance

Greetings

Bruno

Discover your personal charisma Get rid of internal obstacles
Direct people and resources toward a common purpose

Leadership means, in the first place, to work on oneself; it means that the first resources that need to be oriented and focused are just the inner personal resources:

-can’t lead someone who doesn’t know how to lead himself

-can’t offer a vision to others who hasn’t one for himself

-can’t show a direction to others when they haven`t got one for themselves

When the power proceedes from inside to outside, there is coherence and alignment between personal level and higher levels and the leader manifests an energy and an attraction that automatically sets in motion the needed resources; then, the leadership becomes a natural consequence of this energy and attraction, something that is usually known as “charisma”.

Only at this point, after this nucleus of power has been found, the usual management techniques give results; and often there is no need of any technique: the system formed by the leader and the resources, now alligned into a common direction, will express the maximum power toward the chosen goal. It will be “in flow”.

The “FLY seminar” (Find the Leader in You) will help you find and develop your potential as leader, to allign the different part of oneself, to discover how our goals can be achieved only when they will be alligned with goals of higher level, to get ride of internal blocks that boycott our performance.

After we have done this kind of work on ourselves, after we have found our personal charisma, we will see how easy will be to communicate our vision and to coordonate in the desired direction people and resources.

Or have you been so focused on an interesting task so there was no place in your mind for internal dialogue, criticism and usual doubts?
Did it ever happen to you to react accordingly and immediately to any challenge that the task presented to you? And – in spite of effort and difficulties – to feel a sensation of mastery, relax and confidence?That is to say, the task to be intrinsically rewarding?

If – as I hope – this has happened to you, it means that you experienced the so-called “in flow state”, a state of mind that is at the same time cause and effect of a peak performance, a state where we can access resources from a different level, a state where usual fears and limitations have no more effect, blocks disappear, and we can express ourselves to the maximum, knowing that we can rely on an inner nucleus of authenticity that perceives reality – and evaluates it, and responds to it – with a precision and a speed infinitely greater than the usual rational thinking.

This mind state has been well known for thousands of years, and every athlete, dancer, artist, writer, performer  tried to give a personal description of it: someone talks about being “in the zone” or “in the groove”, others about ecstasy or grace state… and martial arts masters talk about mushin, “no mind” or about mizu no kokoro, “mind like water”.

In recent time there has been a scientist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who did a lot of researches in this field, studied countless athletes and performers from different domains, and published a great number of books about this mind state.

As a trainer, coach and consultant, I was always interested in performance and in methods to improve it, and every time I went deeper I met this “flow concept”, even if it was called with different names. This concept appeared absolutely fascinating to me, and I become convinced that this “flow state” is the true key to achieve excellent results in every kind of activity.

As usual explanations didn’t seem too convincing to me, I did researches in my way for years, and I’ve arrived at some personal conclusions about what flow state is and how it can be produced and used, either to achieve peak performances or, simply, to be more efficient and relaxed in day to day life.

I’ve named “fluxogenics” the systematization that I did and, as it is based on the more recent discoveries about the brain, some of the conclusions that I found can appear really surprising.

There is not enough space here to talk about neurophysiology, evolutionary psychology and modularity of the mind; to keep it simple, we can say that the mind – far from being an unitarian system – is made by an enormous number of routines, sub-routines, sub-systems, networks, programmed reactions and so on, each of them having evolved to cope with environment challenges, each of them functioning perfectly for the purpose of increasing our survival chances in this environment.

Rational consciousness – the “I” that makes us human and that we are so proud of  – is nothing more than the more recent of these “mind modules”.

And if the rational mind – with its fantastic ability to create explanatory and previsional models of reality – is what has made possible social and technological development, by the same reason this mind – when over utilized – is what creates anxiety, stress, doubts, fears, criticism, and what – in the end – paralyzes a perfect mechanism as the human organism.

So, far from being something extraordinary, what I consider flow state is only a state where the different parts of the mind, instead of acting independently in a disorganized way, move in the same direction toward a common goal; a state where the rational side of the mind – instead of paralyzing our performance with doubts, criticism, fears, negative thoughts and so on – does its real job, that is to choose goals and directions and then to let the other parts of the mind – now aligned and focused –  do their job without useless blocks.

If you like the metaphor, the rational mind must act as an orchestra conductor, who gives indications, tempo, interpretation, but then leaves the musicians to play without interfering in the mechanical part of the job.

Of course, this is not a simple task, and to achieve this separation between rational decisions and execution is just the purpose of the mental training in martial arts; the same purpose of the more technical part of fluxogenics.

Anyway, even if we can’t directly provoke the flow state, we can verify if the principal conditions that make the flow state possible are met:

-mental and physical relaxation

-well established goals, with clear rules to verify the results

-absolute concentration on the determinant aspects of performance, putting aside what is not relevant in achieving the goal

-when it is possible, immediate feedback about the effect of actions, in such a way that they can be modified moment by moment to achieve the maximum result

- balance between ability level and challenge: the activity is hard enough to demand the use of our full resources but not so hard to be perceived as impossible and to produce frustration

-full mastery of technical aspect of performance, and consequent high level of confidence

If we can concentrate our attention on this aspects, maybe we can realize that flow state is not something mysterious reserved to an elite of peak performers, but something that we can use with good results in personal and professional life; in the meanwhile, maybe we can discover that bylearning how to master the flow state it is not so difficult to become an elite peak performer….