In my hometown, Genoa, I was fortunate enough to meet a person who I can say has had a positive impact on my life: a woman who hosted a highly successful radio show, wrote a book that has been translated into over 30 countries, gave dozens of interviews to newspapers, magazines, and television stations around the world, while at the same time making herself available to those who needed a word of encouragement or support.
You may have heard of her as well, especially since a film about her life was broadcast a few months ago on public television.

A Lesson on Limits and Possibilities

Contrary to what one might expect, this is not about a celebrity, but about Rosanna Benzi, who as a child was struck by a severe form of polio that left her unable to move.
Although this young woman has spent her life confined to an artificial lung and has never left the hospital room where this machine was installed, when asked by a journalist if she sometimes feels “limited,” she replied: “Limited? The only limit I acknowledge is time, which does not allow me to take advantage of all the possibilities my situation offers.”

Of course, some of you might say that this is not an exceptional case. There are countless examples in which human beings have demonstrated the ability to successfully face seemingly hopeless situations. Setting aside facile rhetoric—which would involve comparing the case presented here with the many people who have what they want yet live in a state of constant dissatisfaction—it is worth asking ourselves certain questions.

The Difference That Makes the Difference

How do we explain the fact that while some people manage to overcome terrible misfortunes, transforming their seemingly doomed existence into a triumph of the most diverse kinds, others “manage” to steer their lives toward mediocrity, perhaps even disaster?

Why does a misfortune, a failure, or a stroke of bad luck lead one person down a path of inertia and nervous depression, while for another, these events serve as a catalyst for self-improvement?

Why does the same event, perhaps the same means, the same situation, lead to such different outcomes?
Or, in other words, what is the “difference that makes the difference” (note: this is the question that will appear, in one form or another, in all my articles…).
Of course, any of us may find ourselves facing a challenge of this kind, and usually without “warning.”

But with the exception, of course, of events of extreme tragedy, we must realize that losing a job, going bankrupt, being left by one’s spouse, and so on are all part of life.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were a system that would allow us to prepare ourselves to face any situation with a positive attitude and thus achieve a positive outcome despite all the difficulties?

Let us recall the words of two important philosophers of antiquity: Epictetus—“People are not affected by difficulties, but by the opinions they hold about those difficulties”—and Seneca—“Our reaction is what determines the significance of events.”

Based on these statements, the logical conclusion is that the first goal we should pursue is to prevent problems from being approached with a negative mindset.
Of course, this does not mean ignoring the difficulties or “burying one’s head in the sand”; on the contrary, it means understanding that a negative mindset is the most serious obstacle to finding a happy resolution.
For example, if the job I had was eliminated, it’s clear that I have a serious, real problem that must be addressed urgently and decisively. But if, due to the complexity of the problem, I become depressed, I undervalue myself, and I question my abilities, I am no longer facing a single problem, but several, and this will lead to a mental state that will very likely make it impossible to access my best resources.

How can we proceed to prevent negative states from taking control of our psyche?
When faced with a problem, most people are tempted to ask themselves questions like: “Why is this happening to me of all people?”; “Why am I so unlucky?”; “Is this my fate?”. Obviously, whatever the answers to these questions may be, they can only provide, at best, momentary comfort.
In contrast, those who seem to easily overcome any difficulty ask themselves questions with a different structure, such as: “How can I make better use of what I have available to improve the situation?”

The Power of Constructive Questions

Is it true that the way we react to a problem depends on the questions we ask ourselves? Is it possible that by changing these questions, we can also change the way we react?

Yes! Without a doubt! Since the opinions we form about certain facts are directly linked to the details we focus on, it is clear that different questions about the same fact can lead to completely different answers and solutions. For example, a company director is faced with a supply problem and naturally asks, “What could be the solution?” Another director facing a similar problem asks a different question: “Who is to blame?”
The fact is that these questions immediately shift the focus of our attention and, by extension, the direction of our efforts.
Formulating constructive questions in times of crisis is a crucial skill for our personal and professional lives.
Can this skill be developed through learning? In most cases, the answer is yes. The secret lies in developing a set of “productive” questions that we can use as a tool at the right moment.
Whenever I had the chance, I asked the successful people I met how they deal with difficulties. Analyzing their answers, I discovered that the vast majority of successful people ask themselves certain questions that we might call “typical.”

a) “What can we find positive in this problem?” Even if the first answer that comes to mind is “nothing!”, every situation has at least one positive aspect. Look for it!

b) “What exactly can be improved?” This question allows you to isolate the truly important aspects and focus on resolving them. Even the way the question is phrased increases confidence in a satisfactory resolution.

c) “What am I willing to do (or refuse to do) to ensure that the situation unfolds as I wish?” This presupposes, first of all, that we already have an idea of how the problem might be solved (if this is not the case, it means we are not facing a problem but simply want to complain), and secondly, it means accepting the fact that things will not resolve themselves. Thus, our intellect will “get moving” in the right direction.

d) “How should I go about ensuring that the efforts required to improve the situation are not perceived as a duty or a chore, but rather truly spark my interest—and perhaps even become enjoyable?” This implies recognizing that, although tackling a complex problem may require a lot of time and hard work, this does not necessarily mean that a solution cannot be achieved in a pleasant atmosphere. In other words, it is an invitation to intelligent action.

Having personally tested the power of these questions countless times (and I wholeheartedly advise you to put them to the test yourselves), I realized that we don’t necessarily need to be facing problems to try to cultivate a positive mindset. I suggest you try preparing a—let’s call it—”success ritual” that allows you to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than succumbing to negative thoughts.
For a period of one month, try asking yourself the following set of questions at the start of each day, perhaps before drinking your first cup of coffee.
Ideally, you should come up with at least two or three answers for each one, and if nothing comes to mind, it’s a good idea to use a phrase like “I could.”

1. What would I be particularly interested in accomplishing today?
2. What is the aspect that could particularly motivate me today?
3. What conditions can I say are favorable to me today?
4. What exactly might bring me joy today?
5. What is the main problem I need to tackle today?
6. Who appreciates me? Who do I appreciate?
7. Who loves me? Who do I love?

In the evening, you can repeat these questions and, as a logical consequence, add the following ones:

1. What did I offer others today?
2. What exactly did I learn today?
3. What did I do today to improve my quality of life?

I am not a proponent of optimism at any cost, especially when it is all too easy for it to serve as an excuse to avoid facing life’s challenges. But I remain convinced that a negative mindset has never helped anyone solve a problem.
Assuring you that in the next issue of the magazine we will try to find an explanation for the fact that our entire society is, it seems, under the influence of a negative mindset, I would like to advise you to try to “swim” against the current, using the questions I have proposed.
I’m sure that, for most of you, the results will exceed your expectations.