How should we behave to get what we want from others? How should we proceed so that we, in turn, do not fall into the trap set by others? The episodes of the new series we are launching in this issue will familiarize you with manipulation techniques, thereby providing you with answers to the questions above.

The Power of Framing: The Monk and the Novice

A young novice and a monk were walking through the monastery garden, reading and discussing various passages from the Bible together.
At one point, they felt the urge to smoke a cigarette, but, not knowing if smoking during their studies would break any rules, they decided to ask the abbot for permission after lunch.
When they met the next day, the monk was smoking calmly, much to the novice’s confusion:
“Brother, the abbot forbade me from smoking; how come he allowed you?”
“I don’t know… What did you tell him?”
“I asked him to let me smoke while I read the Bible.”
“See, that’s where you went wrong. I asked him to let me read the Bible while I smoke.”

Why is a request phrased in a certain way rejected, while the same request, phrased differently, is approved?
What makes a person agree to our wishes? And what drives us to agree to the wishes of others, often without any pleasure and against our own interests, frequently wasting time and money?
There are, of course, strictly manipulative techniques, such as neuro-linguistic programming and hypnosis, which allow one to bypass the interlocutor’s rational behavior in order to access their unconscious behavior directly…

Without going quite that far, however, we can observe in every action of ours the desire to influence others, instinctively using techniques that are more or less appropriate (let us not forget that, as I have written on several occasions, the ultimate goal of any act of communication is to elicit a specific behavior).
We need only look around: from the child crying to get a toy, to the windshield washer at the intersection who first sprays the windshield and then looks the driver in the eye to ask for permission, everyone is constantly struggling to get something from someone else.
It’s natural, and we do the same.

The Psychology of Persuasion: Why Do We Say “Yes”?

Let’s start with a premise: the modern world is so complex that, in order to manage our daily tasks, we’ve developed a set of behavioral patterns since childhood that allow us to react automatically to situations we encounter, without making a comprehensive assessment.
For example, if someone gives us a gift, we are “programmed” to feel indebted and to seek to repay the favor as soon as possible.
Similarly, we have programs that compel us to conform to the expectations of the community in which we live, to keep our word, to obey authority, and so on.

These programs usually work well and serve a social purpose: someone who doesn’t fulfill their obligations isn’t someone you can count on, and someone who doesn’t return favors is quickly labeled as ungrateful. Similar justifications apply to other mechanisms as well.
Let us remember that these schemes are automatic and do not require the intervention of our rational side.
As a result, it is no surprise that those who understand them can use them to their own advantage to coerce a specific behavior.
And, of course, every technique is all the more effective the less we realize it is being used. In this article, as well as in the following ones, we will explore some of these mechanisms together. You will be surprised to discover how often the principles presented here are used, even unconsciously.

Law No. 1: The Law of Contrast

This law states that two different things appear even more different when placed side by side, or, in other words, a thing can take on different dimensions depending on the context in which it is placed (for example, a speed of 100 km/h will seem faster or slower to us, depending on how we reach it: accelerating from 40 km/h or decelerating from 150 km/h).
The beauty of this law lies in the fact that it works not only perfectly, but also imperceptibly.
Those who use it can take full advantage of us without ever appearing to be doing so.
Don’t you think so? Hmm…

Real-World Examples: Real Estate and Car Sales

Do you know what the owner of a real estate agency told me?
“I always keep 2–3 horrible apartments on the market at inflated prices, in any part of the city, and I show these to clients on their first visit. After seeing this junk, the house I really want to show them seems wonderful!”

Another example: a 3-day seminar in the United States can cost up to $2,000, excluding lodging and meal expenses, but a videotape covering the same material can be purchased for “just” $200. Compared to the first amount, paying $200 for a videotape doesn’t seem like much.

Or, let’s say you want to buy a car for $10,000. After giving you a moment to get used to that figure, the salesperson starts showing you, one by one, the additional features:
radio ($200), remote control ($100), other features ($150), and finally, the line:
“You can’t leave a car like this without an anti-theft system. It’s only $500!”
These final amounts will seem minor compared to the $10,000.
Anyone with experience selling cars (though this applies, for example, to computers as well) knows that seemingly harmless accessories can drive prices up to absolutely staggering levels. And while you’re left with the signed contract, wondering how it was possible and unable to blame anyone but yourself, the salesperson’s face breaks into that smile that conveys strength and knowledge, characteristic of a martial arts master.

Unfortunately, I don’t have enough space for other examples, many of which are very instructive and entertaining.
If you want to “practice” applying the Law of Contrast, notice how often your judgment of something is influenced by context, and start asking yourself whether that context is truly random.
You might be in for more than a surprise.
See you in the next issue, where we’ll explore Law No. 2, the Law of Obligation and Retribution.

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A timeless work, 2,500 years old!

Speaking of persuasion methods, although I want to present to you the most diabolical techniques devised by modern professionals in the psychology of manipulation, I cannot help but mention Aristotle, whose “Rhetoric” deserves to transcend the confines of philology departments and be introduced into sales and management courses.

Aristotle wrote that persuasion consists of three elements:
ETHOS (the moral aspect or character), LOGOS (the rational aspect), and PATHOS (the emotional aspect or passion).
Each element is necessary, but none can achieve persuasion on its own. Let’s take a brief look and see how they can still be useful to us 25 centuries later.

ETHOS Ethics is the cornerstone of persuasion. If you do not inspire trust and integrity, no one will be willing to believe you, no matter how polished your techniques may be. It is possible to practice creating an appearance of sincerity and honesty (con artists rely on such an appearance), but no long-term act of persuasion has ever been built on insincere (dishonest) foundations. Ethics also means preparation and professionalism.

LOGOS The rational aspect is, of course, very important, but on its own it will only yield weak consensus. Whatever message you present, you must be clear, simple, and direct. If your speech is logical, you are easy to follow, and if you also use examples, the message is easier to visualize and understand. This part should be kept as short as possible and limited to what is strictly necessary.

PATHOS Logic can convince us on a theoretical level, but what drives us to act is always emotion. Therefore, Aristotle says, it is necessary to speak with passion and conviction, using powerful imagery and examples that directly engage the listener. Only if what we say evokes deep feelings in them will we succeed in convincing them of what we are proposing.

In conclusion, whenever you’re trying to convince someone of something, use this simple model—ethos, logos, pathos. You’ll find that in 25 centuries, it hasn’t lost any of its effectiveness.